When it comes to communication, our language sends messages beyond the words themselves.
This begs the question: What are we communicating?
This is an important concept to understand in business, particularly when it comes to sales.
Recently, a dear friend asked me an important question: In conversations with others, can communication– either good or bad - impact a person’s confidence?
The short answer is yes.
The language we use in conversations with others impacts not only our behaviour and confidence but also the confidence, attitudes, and behaviour of the listener.
To gain a greater understanding of these impacts, it’s helpful to examine them from three varying perspectives.
These are the science, self-delusion, and confidence perspectives.
Numerous studies have been conducted on neurolinguistic programming (NLP), the science of how language influences behaviour.
When a person uses the language of ‘gain’, they increase confidence, resulting in outgoing behaviour.
Conversely, the language of ‘loss’ promotes doubt, fear, and anxiety, which diminish confidence and often lead to inaction.
Many opportunities are wasted because of our natural tendency to avoid risk while simultaneously undervaluing potential rewards.
The most successful among us quickly set aside their doubts, fears, and anxiety in favour of the positive awareness that they’ve never failed to deal with any situation they’ve ever faced and overcome the mistakes they made along the way.
Some people use language to delude others and, in the process, end up fooling themselves.
I’ve seen people put a spin on the reality they’re facing to mislead others.
Then repeat the story so often that they begin to believe it themselves!
I’ve seen that practice applied, both when the person was putting a spin on the mistake they’d made or when they were being Pollyannish — painting a rosier picture than existed.
In both instances, the person ends up believing the story they concocted, which makes them appear to be confident.
That confidence can have devastating effects on any listener who views the person’s confidence as a measure of credibility.
I’m sure you’d agree that we’ve all done this at one time or another.
With the above in mind, it’s essential to understand that genuinely confident people use the language of gain and readily admit their mistakes.
These people are quick to acknowledge potential risks and remain open to the perspectives and suggestions of others.
It’s these attributes of ‘openness’ that separate them from self-delusion.
Listening is essential in sales.
As listeners, we can more accurately assess whether a person’s confidence is well-placed or delusional. How?
Questions and objections we pose to the genuinely confident are usually met with acknowledgment and a well-reasoned approach to dealing with our concerns - it's an attitude we all find appealing.
When these same questions and objections are posed to the delusional, they are met with quick dismissal.
These people also use statements that attempt to marginalise our concerns.
The communicator's reactions indicate that they’ve begun to believe their concocted story.
When it comes to sales, it's important to pay attention to the language you use.
If you are using the language of gain and being realistic about the factors involved, keep doing what you’re doing.
Your confidence and candour will ensure that you’ll enjoy success.
If you’re crafting stories to put a spin on your mistakes or painting rosier pictures than really exist, note that the most confident and successful among us see right through your delusions.
To overcome this tendency, each morning, shortly after rising, commit to being more open and candid about your mistakes and more realistic in evaluating situations.
Then, shortly before retiring, recall the day’s successes in avoiding the temptation to put a spin on your mistakes.
Avoid painting an unrealistically optimistic picture.
In those instances where you didn’t quite meet your goal, ask yourself what you will do differently in the future.
You’ll find that, within a week of this daily practice, you’ll default more to using the language of gain.
You’ll also find that people seem to trust you more quickly and thoroughly than they did previously.
Awareness of these improvements in credibility and trust will encourage you to keep up this daily practice.
You’ll soon see improved results when it comes to sales.
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